Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
