Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize