i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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