I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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