the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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