She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
