My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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