The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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