I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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