why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
