We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
