i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
