My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize