Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
