A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
