I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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