Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
