actually, I'm a sock model
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
