I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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