Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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