the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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