I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
