Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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