if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
