oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
