We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
