Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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