Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
