im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
