my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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