She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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