I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
