Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
