Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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