put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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