Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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