Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
