dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
