this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
we're so committed to being not committed
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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