ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
