When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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