I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
