Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I made him laugh his dick is mine
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
