Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
