I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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