I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
