I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
