Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize