Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize