I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
