so explain again why im purple
no
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
