South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
