thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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