so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
