I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
