Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
