Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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