yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
