just come out here and I will go home with you...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize