she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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