I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
