guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
