I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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