I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
