It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
