fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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