i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
