I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
