No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
