I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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