I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
