it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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