I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sext me about skeletons
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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