Jerry, you need to find god
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
