Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I don't think brook has ever known best
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
